does this mean I'm old?

home is a fickle concept for me. Having moved around quite a bit growing up, the notions of roots and origins were, well, foreign to me. Home was wherever I lived with my parents and siblings, and though I loved going back to France for the holiday and seeing other family members, that country did not seem like home to me. And neither did it when I came back as a fresh-faced 18-year old to study. Hence, in part, the title of this blog. I have a French passport, but don't really feel like that defines me. Living in the land of cheese for nearly ten years did make me appreciate it a lot, which is good because that was one of the reasons I wanted to move there, but overall I never felt any sense of loyalty to the country I imagine some who have lived there all their lives might have. That isn't to say I harbor any particular apathy toward France; I might not want to live there permanently, but I will always feel a need to come back to visit, if only because there are plenty of people I care about there.
That said, if I had to say where home was for me, I would probably answer Paris, because it's where my parents live, and as all children now live elsewhere (in 3 different countries actually), is generally the rallying point for our semi-regular reunions. In fact, even though I moved out for good 4 years ago, the entry in my cell phone for my parents' number is still "home". If (cliche-alert) home is where the heart is, I have no doubt where that is for me. We're not the gushy type in our family, telling each other "I love you" constantly like in 7th Heaven (and if we're having arguments, they're generally not resolved by minute 42), but we're pretty close. This was definitely a factor in my decision to bolt for these greyer skies, as I did not feel like I would lose out anything in my relationship with them.
It's probably one of the reasons why the following lyrics by matt Pond PA resonate so much with me, even though I'd be the first to admit they're no Dylan material (then again when your all-time favorite line of lyrics are "but the feelings that stay with you now / get lost over time somehow" your tastes aren't based on pure wordplay, to say the least):

i’m going home, back to new hampshire
i’m so determined
to lay in lakes
and see my sisters
i will hit my brother
and hold my mother

Now I've only been to New Hampshire in passing, and I don't even have one sister, but these words mean the world to me. It reminds me how fantastic it feels to go home again, that familiar feeling of comfort and general peace. Of course the habitual arguments might spring up here and there, but in a way they are part of the relationship too. Family means no bullshit, and growing up into adulthood you learn to appreciate this. Doesn't mean everything's Rockefeller-peachy either, after all being annoyed by family is a near-obligation, but these aren't the things I remember after a weekend or more with la familia. I realize it isn't always that easy, that many people have the bad luck of being in abusive family relationships, or maybe worse, not having family at all, which is why I think someone in my situation can feel fortunate to have had good people like them put up with my punk-ass for so many years. I don't have my own family yet, but when (if?) that happens I can only hope to replicate what I see as a successful model. Although if we could avoid the middling-to-bad eyesight and mediocre teething that would be the bee's knees. Not that I'm complaining, no sirree, that is definitely not what blogs are for.